When I was invited to chat at the Dirt Addict Talk, I was extremely honoured and then left with a huge conundrum – what could I possibly have done to inspire?
I’m so ordinary, so average, so regular… I even struggled to come up with my own headline tag for the evening.
I asked myself – WHO AM I? I like to call myself a Dirt Addict on special attendance. I recently immensely enjoyed the DA Fish River hike in Namibia, and in 2023 I loved joining the DA Double Century team.
What have I done to be asked to be here? Which I hope you won’t take as self-adulation but rather to give credit to what I next want to share in my message
I have run about 20 marathons (I don’t keep count); I have run 2 Oceans Ultra (including the half marathon the day before the Ultra); completed I think 19 CT Cycle Tours, completed many triathlons – including Ultra, 70.3, Full Iron and been invited to compete in Xterra WC in Hawaii. Have traversed glaciers in Iceland. Hiked most of the multiday trails in Western and Eastern Cape and have hiked the multiday Inca trail, ending up in Machu Picchu in Peru.
Ridden Double Century 4 x times (mixed teams and all ladies) ridden the Sedgefield 500 self-supported single stage Mountain bike race – placing 3rd lady, ridden the Munga a single stage 1028km mountain bike race from Bloem to Wellington placing 89th, out of about 160 starters of which only 7 were ladies. Completed CT trail marathon 54km and added another 10km before to get in a training run. Competed in UTCT 100km trail race, completing this in just over 19hours. Plus add multiple mountain bike stage events from 3 days to 9 days. Then last year most of the 2nd half of the year leading up to march of this year, I was in training for my first 100miler (160km) trail event.
What haven’t I done: – Well that is easy: The Cape Epic (YET) and swam Robben Island (YET) and I haven’t completed a 100miler trail event (YET).
Where did it all begin. It began with no confidence in myself which is something I struggle with daily and maybe you do to?
Did you know that with all these accomplishments, I still don’t call myself a runner, nor a sportsperson and when asked what am I? – I don’t know what I am; so, I ask myself again WHO AM I?
I’m someone who on a whim decided one day I’d like to give running a try (how many of you are recently at this point, or can pinpoint when you said this to yourself) … It took many months maybe 10-12 months before I ran my first 10km in 2015 – I chose a trail event (bc no one would see me, and trail running was easier (right?) and then within 10months I ran my first Comrades.
After Comrades I entered my first full Ironman. After IM it was The Munga, billed as the toughest single stage mnt bike event in the world. And so, the list goes on.
Do I do many events twice – no not many; why because we are spoilt for choice! We have a beautiful country to explore and many different ways to challenge ourselves.
And before all this, what and who was I and WHAT was my purpose? In 2004 I fell very ill – deathly ill in fact; from Falciparium Malaria (a rare form of Malaria which you have less then 30% survival rate). I was 28 years and one day I walked into the hospital emergency entrance announced I had Malaria and asked to be put onto some quinine and then sent home. Well, those little Malaria buggers had another plan and within 24 hours, I was in a coma, on full life-support and I stayed like that for 3 weeks in ICU. I was diagnosed with ARDS – Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome and Septic Shock. My husband was called 3 x to the hospital to come say his goodbyes and to make preparations as I would not make that day or night. But I survived!
To this day I only have ¾ lung capacity, my heart rate average during exercise is 160; and I know I’m lucky to be alive.
When you survive an extended period of time in a coma the following standards usually occur which happened to me, you become depressed (called reactive depression), and you suffer from clinical PTSD. When I was discharged from hospital I made up a firm mind not to take any more antipsychotic medication or any medication at all and rather combat and work through these two areas with my family, support, structure, exercise – (I looked like a stroke patient, I had to learn to walk and talk again).
I want to ask if any of you have felt depressed or anxious at times?
What helped at the time? Finding the times of day I needed help the most; I would try to walk, even if just around the block. My walks became longer, and it was the exercise that helped my memory and speech return. Walks led to sailing daily, running slowly and the start of mountain biking with my husband. Bc if you can believe it, I was not allowed to do anything alone (not even to take a wee or shower) the doors always had to be open.
Let’s fast forward a few years of sport and a few notable accomplishments and what do I feel is my purpose now? Let’s be introspective – what is YOUR PURPOSE? The purpose in what you do, as an individual, who is your character, as a wife, partner, mother, business partner or just simply. What is your purpose in doing sport?
Over the years I have changed (A LOT) and I’m most definitely still changing, in fact – the biggest changes I’m still seeing in myself have been over the last few years and these changes are the ones that give me the most joy and my PURPOSE.
I was brought up to be very competitive, I danced from when I was 4, never in my life did a school sport and it was instilled in me to be the very best, in everything at any cost. This also became my work ethic in the corporate environment. To be driven by pursuing the best result no matter how it was obtained or how direct I was or who I moved out the way to obtain it.
Then life comes along, a husband and a child. From my husband I learnt about teamwork before self-gain and from my daughter I learnt that winning does not come before compassion. I would watch and personally struggle that my daughter who is a very good runner often relinquish positions or give up positions if a competitor (now I am talking podium positions) to aid a teammate suffering, or to give an encouraging word to someone in need. She would without thinking sacrifice positions for someone else’s’ benefit. To be me this was foreign! Very hard to understand when winning was always a first, commendable yes but difficult to understand.
I grappled for a long time with the concept of teamwork over performance and ultimately, I decided I would rather have a daughter that cares and has concerns over winning. And this is my continued journey now….
I decided I wanted to have a daughter who I’m prouder of for caring, having concern, having a kind word by action and deed and lifting others more than trumping up seeding numbers. So, if I wanted that of her – did I reflect this in my own life?
Now we get to WHAT IS MY PURPOSE and what does it take to have BIG GAME TEMPERMENT – it takes your tribe! (DA)
You need balance in your life, you need support, you need encouragement, you need structure, you need dedication, commitment, follow through.
You need all the qualities that you possess within yourself that you can be shown by your tribe (DA) and that you can share with others.
You need to be strong mentally and physically, you need to be sure in your heart that you have done the preparation. You need to be able to go into an event with confidence and no self-doubt.
So, What Happens when it isn’t always success? Herein lies another life lesson. In March I attempted my first 100miler trail event and as you guessed it, I was a DNF not something any A personality copes well with. And something which is very humbling.
I was angry at myself (for my body failed me, I had to concede I had heatstroke in 48C and was vomiting) I had trench foot (when the skin of your feet almost pulls away from all the muscle and everything underneath). I was angry at the race organisers for not extending the new course times when the winner came in 8 hours later than expected. And I was disappointed in myself – ever feel like this?
So again, I asked myself WHAT IS BIG GAME TEMPERMENT?
I think when you can rest your mind, analyse yourself, know with confidence you did everything in your training that you were meant to do, analyse the course – for me, I know that I am really happy to have banked another 102km of running and running solidly for 24 hours without sleep (how many can say that they can do that alone); Acknowledge not all events are concerned about how many finish and how many fail. Know that you are not beaten but that life gives you many opportunities to try again. Push the restart button when you are ready, and go for it again, so yes…. I am already re-entered for 2025.
Lastly what does DA mean to me? Its what I have witnessed on group rides, during DC and once again in the FR.
You as women are stronger and more capable than you give yourself credit for.
In Anja @ DC, you said to me, when I asked you quietly – do you want this badly enough, you answered more than anything in the world.
In Sam who is in the UK – on a training ride, when she completed her first ever 100km on a road ride; she wanted to prove to herself and her team she could do it and she did. She never quit.
To Sam & Liezl on the Fish, when your bodies were telling you something, your minds were singing a different song. Your will power took over.
I want to share a little story from the Fish… which encapsulates what it means to be a woman from DA.
We were due to take a short cut (which isn’t actually a short cut and part of the official route) at the 30km up a very steep and treacherous path (a gentle man had fallen down there the week prior and had to be helivac’d and was critical – we never told the group this). Our guide and I had already discussed the day prior that we would take our bags to the top, drop them and come down and take other bags up whilst the others hiked up bag free. On the morning, I mentioned to the guide that I think she was in for a surprise… and that I truly did not believe any of the ladies would give their bags over and that everyone would make it up, bags and all – she didn’t believe me.
And you guessed it – EVERYONE made it up and not one bag was carried.
Why – for the very reason existed (like DA) that no man was in the group. And so out came the mentality that if THEY CAN DO IT, SO CAN I. it’s a team strength, a big mental game mentality.
There were tears ofc afterwards, if I could tell you how many times I have cried, (In the Munga, During Sedgefield, at The Addo) you would know that there is no shame in tears. They are badges of accomplishments. Of overcoming your fears and facing the challenges you signed up for.
Is life easy NO, are big events easy NO, would it mean as much if someone gave into your self-pity moments NO; but can tenderness be shown YES – can past experiences be shared YES, can you be proud of what you have achieved 100!
So, to end off, a good friend of mine Nicholas Rupanga quoted this recently (he is an extremely humble and amazing runner) CHALLENGES AND FAILURES ARE THE NECESSARY COMPONENTS OF SUCCESS – AND THEY ARE PART AND PARCEL OF THE JOURNEY IN LIFE!
And that is what I believe is what is called BIG GAME MENTALITY